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@ki@elexia i wouldnt know if im being misgendered in german even when it happens because my german is so bad and my hearings is so bad i can barely understand whats being said
on internalized transphobia in trans spaces, misandry, intersectionality, and the call is coming from inside the house.so ive had a lot on my mind lately, and have been doing a lot of thinking vis-a-vis my own identity and how it has affected me on my trans journey, as well as the journeys of those around me. for context I have been out publicly as trans for around 7 years now, and after mulling it over for several years i switched from identifying as a binary trans woman to transfeminine nonbinary around a year and a half ago.
most of the reason for why i ended up switching the terminology i use for myself is because i personally have never felt fully comfortable with the idea of being a binary trans woman. back when i first started really questioning myself well over a decade ago, a lot of the terminology and ways of thinking about gender were not as well developed and fleshed out, let alone as popular to talk about as they are now, at least form my perspective. most of the trans people i knew were binary trans women as well, and the thought of being nonbinary was not something i was even aware of as an option. if i had known this was an option starting out, it very much would have saved me several years of very much feeling like something was missing vis a vis my transition that i still felt i was missing.
why did it take me so long to figure that out? a lot of the trans people i was surrounded by were very much "binary oriented" for lack of a better way to describe it. they were very much a product of the discourse mentality of the time. now a days we would call them something along the lines of "truscum" or "nonbinaryphobic". they were also very much of the mindset that embracing any aspect of masculinity was seen as something to be avoided, and that very much poisoned the well of discussion in those circles i was in at the time. this did not sit right with me for many reasons. there were aspects of my original gender identity that i very much still identified with, even as i was transitioning to female. not to mention my own ideas for what i want for my eventual bottom surgery are very much outside of the norm. being surrounded by this mindset, and starting my transition like this, it felt like i was losing a part of myself in the process.
it wasnt until years later upon reflection i realized how much this harmed me and my own identity. it was finally encountering other nonbinary individuals, as well as several close friends of mine coming out as trans men and transmasculine nonbinary individuals that it really made me understand how deep that internalized transphobia and internalized misandry ran. it has been something i have been working to detangle from myself from ever since. finally embracing the fact i am transfeminine nonbinary has been truly enlightening for me, and lets me feel like i can express all of me, truly and freely.
now that i have seen that for what it is, lived it, and learned from it; one of the things that has shaken me to my core, is how much i see that same nonbinaryphobia, misandry, and internalized transphobia affecting others still. i see enby friends of mine being constantly being pushed into and expected to do things like eventually hrt despite them not wanting it or needing it. i see trans masc friends of mine constantly getting shit for being men because "how dare anyone want to be a man". i see my younger brothers who i helped raise struggle to understand themselves, and their reality, and them feeling like they lack having any safe outlet to do so because of all of the expectations and joking and prodding that they receive from others for any perceived nonconformity, softness, or queerness they might or might not have. i see my other queer and gnc friends being pushed and teased similarly, with concerns being brushed aside dismissed for one reason or another, usually played off as harmless teasing.
frankly speaking, it breaks my goddamn heart. as much as i think we as a community have moved past such things, i keep being shown time and time again that this mentality runs deep, and a lot deeper than a lot of us want to admit.
yesterday i posted what I felt was a fairly straightforward post on my views about how problematic in my view forcefem jokes are. on that thread were left some comments that were eye opening for me, and i also had some people outside of that thread reach out to me saying it resonated with them for one reason or another. it also seems that a lot of the complaints that post has received, (both in and outside of the thread), seem to have largely missed the forest for the trees. a lot of the pushback to it being largely summarized in 4 points. 1) "god forbid trans women joke about anything, why are you taking a very obvious joke seriously", 2) saying that queer people can be bad and hold problematic views and opinions is spreading nazi propaganda, and 3) how dare you complain about this when theres so much other more pressing matters to complain about. 4) false equivalency between commenting about "forcefem bad" being the same as "right wingers talking about how the transes are coming to transgender them"
so lets address those points deconstruct this a bit, because i think it says a lot tbh. while there is nuance to be had regarding forcefem jokes in the context of kink, and the trans lived experience; having personally been on the receiving end of those jokes, as well as having seen queer friends of mine from across the spectrum also be highly uncomfortable about being on the receiving end of them, joking about ignoring consent and bodily autonomy doesnt feel as light hearted as a lot of people seem to think it is. and as much as i would like to pontificate about those jokes very much playing into the aforementioned "right wingers thinking the transes are gonna transgender them" stereotype, i dont think much more needs to be said other than i think it is worrying and very disingenuous that those same people often making those jokes are drawing conclusions that "joking about this is bad" is the same thing as a right wing talking point.
i want to address the last two points separately as i feel like there is a lot to be said here. regarding "queer people can be bad and hold problematic views and opinions is spreading nazi propaganda" yeah i can kinda see where this comes from. someone linked me something in the other thread that very much shows that this does appear to be a right wing talking point in and of itself on the surface. how i worded a specific phrase in that original post very much wasnt helping in that regard and i subsequently removed it; mea culpa, poorly worded and badly executed on my part. the part that frankly worries me is that we as a community seem to be ready to all come out of the wood work to immediately distance ourselves from anything or anyone we deem as problematic, seemingly as a way to disprove that false stereotype, while as the same time holding onto views that frankly have no place in this community, or in the fight for not only trans rights and trans liberation, but for the greater fight for societal change as a whole. i would think that we as a community would be at the forefront of trying to be more inclusive and understanding, but i keep being repeatedly disappointed that we seemingly arent as empathetic as i would like to think we are; especially to our fellow trans people, even moreso to the more GNC leaning and masculine leaning parts of our community. the fact that even bringing up blind spot about our community is enough to get verbally flayed over it is just further illustrating my point.
as for getting those angry over the fact that this is something worth discussing at all, even as we are being increasingly discriminated against: is there no room for growth amongst ourselves as well? are we so certain in our beliefs and wokeness that we no longer need to change and grow ourselves? must we put aside solving our blindspots as a community to concentrate only on fighting for our rights?
nothing is stopping us from doing both at the same time but ourselves.
re: on billionares, "forcefem", gen pol, and "queers can be evil too"re: orphan post cutie.city/@OctaviaConAmore/116512853556194092
honestly cant tell if you're doing a bit or not with the light sarcasm but, yeah.
its not that i'm not aware of the criticism of what they're saying, i very much am. i removed the line because upon reflection yeah it does come off that way and wasn't worded well. ill take that L willingly, my bad.
i also happen to know that i have had the unfortunate experience of having dealt with more than my fair share of actual transfem nazis in the past, (including one of my stalkers.) that said you are also are 100% right, the "transfems have a nazi phase" talking point is also problematic as fuck, and is a problem, and i will not deny that. i will however also not deny that some do exist, as much as i and a lot of us wish they didnt.
it is also not the point of message i am trying to convey here. i think that denying the fact that we as a community are capable of doing harm and also can be blind to certain things is also a disservice not only to ourselves but to others.
the fact that there are people who think that joking about bodily autonomy in this way is ok just illustrates what i feel in my mind is the same kind of "blindspot" that the act of forcefemmimg itself is (in the context of the jokes in question) supposedly supposed to "cure" in the billionaires. the entire concept reeks of misogyny and transmisogyny and is antithetical to bodily autonomy as a concept. that anyone can go "but they're evil men so its ok ha ha funny" about it makes me genuinely upset.
re: on billionares, "forcefem", gen pol, and "queers can be evil too"@winter@YKantRachelRead i think you're both getting hung up on that one line, (which admittedly was badly worded by me, and has now removed), and missing the point.
re: on billionares, "forcefem", gen pol, and "queers can be evil too"@YKantRachelRead before i knew any better myself i dated a few. several of them were my friends when i was younger.
on billionares, "forcefem", gen pol, and "queers can be evil too"I stg if i stumble upon another fucking "we should forcefem the rich" meme I'm going to fucking lose it.
lets put aside the horrifying implications of intentionally nonconsensually causing someone gender dysphoria for the moment, and lets say you somehow manage to forcefem all the problematic evil billionaires. do you seriously expect that to suddenly make everyone more empathetic and understanding?
being queer or having some queer experiences doesn't automagically make someone a good and more understanding and empathetic person. peter thiel and sam altman are fucking gay but them being gay doesn't mean they understand gay issues or are empathetic towards their fellow gays. they're all too insulated from any potential hardships they would have to face because they are affluent males in a white male dominated society. caitlyn jenner is trans and she obviously doesn't give a shit about her fellow trans people, she is too rich and is also too insulated to care, even as the leopards actively gnaw away at her face. any potential levels of hardship they may or may not have had to face for being gay or trans can easily be solved by them being rich fucks.
people will usually only change their worldview insofar as it directly affects them, and usually not much further than that unless necessary. they can trans their gender or come out as gay to square away that personal issue but wont change anything else about their mindset until it also affects them personally.
this doesn't just apply to rich billionare assholes but to everyone as well. yes even you, the "oh i would never, im woke enough to realize this is bad." person reading this. everyone needs that swift kick in the pants in order to understand and empathize with things outside of our perspective at least the once. some of us need it several times. that in and of itself is not a moral failing that is life. and i do mean everyone. everyone has had it happen in their lives at least once. to deny that is to deny how humans generally think and operate. the trick, and what is in my mind the mark of someone who truly is open minded or "woke", is needing that boot up the proverbial ass as few times as possible, but even then we cannot escape the reality that there are some things out of our periphery and we will need to be reminded of that, and there shouldn't be any shame in admitting that.
these billionaire fucks have not had enough of those proverbial boots up the ass, because they have insulated themselves from having it done. they do not want to be forced to do something that a lot of less well off people, and people who constantly have to face hardship are forced to contend with: adapting ourselves and our worldviews in order to survive. forcefemming them will only make them fem. they will only adapt their worldview insofar as them now being femme affects them. it wont make them more kind and empathetic people, it wont make them understand.
and if you are one of those people who thinks nonconsensually forcefemming people, even as a joke, is funny, you need a few boots up your ass as well.
Edit: removed a line because people are (incorrectly) getting hung up on the poor wording of that specific line and thus comically missing the entire point.
starts a cult that begins with a butlerian jihad against current technology and its peddlers, and a leftist revolution against capitalism and gender segregation; then builds up new societies around cooperation, tolerance, exploration of self, and inclusivity; finally then so we build all the cool transhumanist technologies so we can have all the benefits of those technologies but all the fuckers who will turn them into the torment nexus and cause needless suffering are dead
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